


Security

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [11]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear of Abandonment, Fear of Cheating, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Sadness, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony gives it to him, let steve be emotionally vulnerable, supportive tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 10:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: Steve and Tony have only been together a few months, and considering this is Steve's longest relationship to date, it's only natural that he would feel insecure from time to time. It's been building for a while, and when a charity ball tests the blond, his problems come to light. Luckily, his fears are unfounded, and Tony will always remind him of that.





	Security

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie I feel like this one is somewhat lacking, or maybe I'M really the insecure one here! It's difficult to write from Steve's POV, because I'm a lot like Tony, and they're fundamentally different. It's a bit of a personal challenge really, to write more from both sides. Did my best.

Sometimes, Steve felt a little insecure. Logically, he knew that he was a good looking guy. He always had been, in a way. He had nice blue eyes, a good profile, and a pretty smile. Some of that was hidden by sickness prior to the serum, but the foundation was still there. The rest of his body though—that had been transformed by the serum. It was in peak physical condition, designed to be efficient and appealing. People fawned over him—military personnel for his ease in battle and prowess, and civilians who saw his features as a work of art, or, an object of lust. But logic was an enemy of the human mind though, and more often than not, Steve still saw himself as undesirable, especially when he was standing in a ballroom like now, watching Tony across the room, surrounded by 8 to 10 people, all competing for his attention.

They were insistent. Men and women—attractive ones at that— all did their best to catch Tony’s eye. They were patrons of the Stark Relief Foundation, and this was its annual charity ball, so they were needed, but in Steve’s opinion, they didn’t have to be so _grabby_. They tugged on the brunet’s arm, gave him long lingering hugs, whispered in his ear and shared drinks with him. Tony, as charming as ever, took it in stride, seemed to encourage them. Steve knew that Tony wasn’t interested in them. Or, at least he hoped so. The scientist’s behavior was quite convincing. He gave them his best smiles, even quirked a brow teasingly. He _flirted_ , and Steve couldn’t stand it.

The hand around his drink tightened until the glass creaked in protest, and the blond remembered to let up. He exhaled softly to himself and took a sip, tearing his eyes away from the scene. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like any of this. He’d been here for two hours now, and Tony had left his side not thirty minutes into the event, after giving a speech. Steve did his best to mingle, answered the questions people asked him, so long as they were respectful. He wasn’t too keen on people prodding into his personal life, or the lives of the team. There was only so much he was willing to say, especially without Tony as backup. Steve was a little irritated, truth be told. He didn’t understand why Tony had even asked him to come, if he was just going to be ignored all night. As if Steve didn’t feel lonely enough as it is, a lot of the time. It wasn’t just loneliness that was the issue here. He felt…inadequate.

Logically, he knew Tony was just schmoozing with potential donors, trying to get the best out of the event, but a softer, more irrational part of him, felt the opposite was true. That deep dark little part in his heart told him that Tony was avoiding him on purpose, that he liked being surrounded by gorgeous men and women, consequently, without Steve. Part of him wondered if the brunet was bored with their relationship, if he had gotten sick of Steve, if he wanted to return to his playboy days. They had only been together for a few months, but maybe that was enough for Tony. The playboy lifestyle was enticing, surely. One night stands didn’t need you to wake them up when they were stuck in nightmares. They didn’t need you to comfort them, to care for them when they were feeling down. They didn’t have to deal with your issues. Steve imagined that Tony had gotten sick of supporting him, that he wanted to move on to better things. He knew he was being stupid. But was he? It was easy to get carried away, standing off by himself.

The blond’s gaze settled on his partner again. Some pretty woman was occupying his attention, pressed up against his side and whispering something in his ear. Tony laughed, and took a sip of his drink. He looked at her, said something in reply. Steve watched with irritation; He felt his heart sink as the seconds passed. The killing blow came when she kissed him on the cheek before sauntering away. It wasn’t one of those ‘we’re such good friends, see you later’ type kisses. It clearly carried romantic intentions. Tony blinked in surprise at that, and his eyes followed her as she walked away, before the two men at his left struck up a conversation with him.

That was quite enough for Steve. He felt a lump form in his throat, felt his chest tighten and hands shake a little. He left his drink on a nearby table and headed for the bathroom. The blond felt stupid, getting worked up about this. But he was sure his emotions were justified. After all, Tony didn’t bother telling the woman off. In fact, he made no negative indication at all. He seemed to even like it. Steve felt like an idiot, pushing his way through the bathroom door. It was blissfully empty, and he stood before one of the sinks, looking into the mirror. He was dressed to the nines, but so was everyone else. His blond hair was swept to the side, kept in place by product. He looked good. But apparently not good enough for Tony.

Steve sighed, covered his face with his hands. “Pull it together,” he whispered to himself as he felt tears prickling behind his eyelids. The blond took a deep breath. He glanced at his watch. It was almost 11. The event would only go on ‘til then. At least he could go home soon, and promptly go to bed. He thought of confronting Tony, but he wasn’t sure if he was being silly or not. Steve wouldn’t bring it up, at least, not until he sensed a pattern. He turned on the faucet, and splashed his face with water, exhaling at the coolness. Steve steeled himself as he dried his face with a paper towel. He was a soldier. He could control his emotions, could hide his pain.

When he exited the bathroom, Tony was already giving the closing speech up on stage, the audience crowding around him. Steve stood by the exit, counting the seconds until he could leave. They applauded, showered him in devotion, and he seemed to drink it up. It was hard to watch, so Steve didn’t. Finally, the crowd began to disperse, and Tony approached, somewhat exhausted, but content.

“Thank god, it’s you,” the brunet sighed, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. Steve offered a little smile, though it was somewhat forced. He let Tony lead him by the arm out of the building, and into their waiting car.

The brunet was blessedly quiet on the way back to the tower, obviously exhausted. It took maybe five minutes for his head to settle on Steve’s shoulder and for his eyes to close. It was bittersweet at the moment, considering the misery the blond had felt the last few hours. Tony’s behavior couldn’t have been intentional. He desperately hoped it wasn’t intentional. Steve sighed and rested his head on his partner’s, tried to put what had happened out of his mind. It wasn’t a big deal. Really. He was just being dramatic.

It started to become a big deal in the elevator ride up to the penthouse. Tony was relaying the night’s events, the successes and failures, the conversations he’d had. He joked about some of the people he met, before moving into complaints.

“I can’t tell you how many times someone put their hands on me,” the brunet sighed as the elevator door slid open to Tony’s floor. “I’m gonna create a suit with built in tasers for the next event.”

Steve hummed in reply, following him to the bedroom as he kept speaking. A dark part of him thought he was just saying that to cover his tracks.

“Someone almost spilled a drink on me too. I swear she was doing it on purpose. I’m sure she would’ve loved to get me out of my clothes.”

“You sure you wouldn’t have liked that?” Steve muttered despite himself, tugging off his tie.

Tony turned, pausing in the middle of setting his jacket down on the armchair. He stared at Steve, brows knit. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The blond shrugged, averted his eyes. He felt his cheeks heating up a bit—he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but there was no taking it back now. Steve slowly peeled his jacket off, preparing himself for an unpleasant conversation.

Tony frowned, pulled off his own tie and set it aside. The silence was deafening. He slipped his shoes off before he couldn’t stand it anymore. “I’m sorry—are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

Steve had already pulled his shirt off, and now crumpled it up in his hands, holding it to his chest somewhat protectively. He bit his lip, considering keeping quiet. “No. It’s fine,” he said.

“It doesn’t sound like it’s fine,” Tony replied, unbuttoning his dress shirt. “What did I do?”

“It’s not so much what you did, Tony, it’s what you didn’t do,” the blond replied with a sigh.

“What do you mean?” the brunet asked, panic crossing his features momentarily. He stopped undressing.

“You just…let those people throw themselves at you, let them touch you, flirt with you, whisper in your ear, and you didn’t do anything about it. You seemed to like it. For all I know, you flirted back,” the soldier said, a little irritation in his voice.

Tony stared at him for a moment, trying to read the situation. “Are…are you _jealous_?” he asked, eyes widening.

“Should I be?” Steve countered, a little more hostile than he intended.

“What? Wait, do you think I’m cheating on you or something?”

“Well I understand why you would. Must be nice, having all of those desperate people around you. Bet they’re a lot easier, a lot better than I am too,” the blond muttered, tossing his clothes in a pile on the floor. “They’d probably fall all over each other to get the chance to fuck you. That one lady especially.”

Tony stared in disbelief, and felt a little anger bubbling up. “What are you talking about?” he asked, crossing the room and standing a few feet away from the soldier. Steve needed to explain, and now.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about!” Steve snapped, finally meeting his eyes.

“No, I really don’t!” Tony said, shoulders squaring defensively. What had gotten into Steve? He’d never seen the blond like this, and wasn’t sure exactly what to do about it. Steve thought he was cheating on him? With one of the people from the charity ball? The notion was ridiculous, but apparently not in his partner’s mind. Tony was _not_ the cheating type—hadn’t been since his teenage years.

“That woman tonight! I saw the way you were looking at her, how close you were. You let her kiss you!” Steve’s tone was a little more strained than he would have liked. In fact, it bordered on whiney, and that only frustrated him further. Steve closed his mouth, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to discuss this really, but they had already begun.

Tony paused, trying to make sense of his response. “I—you think I’m cheating on you with that woman? You think I’d really do that?” he asked in disbelief.

“I-I don’t know! I don’t know if you would, I don’t know how you think! I just—I’m scared of it I guess,” the blond admitted. He sat down on the edge of the bed, exhaling in annoyance. He avoided the brunet’s gaze.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, sighed softly. It hurt, a lot really, being accused of something like this. He thought Steve understood how things worked, where money was involved. Tony didn’t have a choice but to indulge the guests. He needed their patronage, and when grabby patrons were denied their handsy tendencies, the money tended to disappear. Better to play along than fight against them. He had more than a few bad memories to replay over the years of when things had gone too far.

Tony’s first instinct was to get defensive, to lash out at Steve. He was, more or less, calling Tony a slut after all. But he bit his lip, thought it over, tried to stay calm. It was clear Steve was torn up over this. He had admitted fear. Fear indicated…insecurity? Was Steve really scared of being replaced? Did he really think Tony would leave him for someone else? The brunet couldn’t fathom it. He shook his head in frustration, placed his hands on his hips.

“You know, despite what all the tabloids say, I’m not a whore. I do have some self respect, and more so for my partners,” he started.

Steve shrunk in on himself, which was absurd, for a man of his size, but he managed. He looked defeated, shoulders slumped and face forlorn. Tony couldn’t stand to see that look on his face. It made his chest hurt. He stepped forward, placing a soft hand on his partner’s shoulder. “I’d never cheat on you,” he added. “The thought has never crossed my mind, and never will. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than what I give you.”

Steve shook his head. Tony said that, but did he really mean it?  “I don’t know…”

Tony sat at his side, wrapped an arm around Steve’s and peeled his hand away from his lap. The brunet grasped it in his own, held it tightly. “Sweetheart, what makes you think I’d want to hurt you like that?”

The soldier sighed, giving him a sidelong glance. It was difficult to admit his insecurities. Everyone expected him to be perfect, even called him perfect on occasion. Someone like Steve wasn’t allowed to have problems, wasn’t allowed to be _human._ His issues didn’t matter, always had to be buried. He loved Tony, trusted him, but that didn’t make admitting his faults any easier. He was afraid of what the scientist would say, which was a little ridiculous, but still. Tony however, waited patiently for an answer, massaging the blond’s hand. Eventually, Steve exhaled softly, looked at him directly.

“I…I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. I’m just…I’m scared that you’d _replace_ me,” he began. “You could have anyone you want. Literally. People love you, people throw themselves at you. Some of them are a lot prettier, a lot smarter, a lot richer than me. I just… I keep feeling like you’re gonna disappear. You’re this incredible, talented, wonderful person and… I don’t know. I’m scared you’ll get sick of me. I’m scared you already have,” he admitted.

Now that he was being honest, he realized that this issue had been slowly boiling over the last few weeks. Tonight was just the last push. Steve didn’t have many people in this century. He had the team, and that was pretty much it. He loved Tony, so much. Tony was a beacon of light for him, something that drew him in and made him feel warm and safe. He couldn’t imagine that light being taken away from him. He had lost so much in his life. He couldn’t lose this too. It was one of his biggest fears.

“Steve…” Tony said softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his blue eyes. He had no idea the blond felt that way. Warmth spread through him at the confession, but it also made him feel worse. Steve really thought that Tony would tire of him? Had he not shown enough affection? Did Steve not understand how much Tony needed him?

“I’m sorry. I’m just being stupid,” the soldier replied, pulling away a little. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

The brunet shook his head. “It is a big deal. Sweetheart, your feelings are important,” he said, pulling Steve back towards him. “I’m really glad you told me about this. I had no idea you were feeling this way. Steve, baby, I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts. I’d never get sick of you.”

The blond didn’t seem convinced. He looked into the scientist’s eyes, searched them for falsehood. There was none to be found, however. Instead, he found Tony’s brown eyes brimming with affection.

“I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like this. I thought you knew how much I love you, how much I need you. I mean—you’re incredible. You’re so caring and brave and you call me out on my bullshit, and…I trust you. I trust you with everything, with all of me. I’m a hell of a lot to handle, and you’re willing to handle it. How could I ever get sick of someone like you?” Tony asked, and it was true. Steve was the most amazing person he had ever met.

The blond swallowed hard, heart fluttering at his words. They soothed him, filled him with love. Steve leaned further into his touch as Tony’s hands braced his shoulders. “I… I don’t know,” he replied. He didn’t know. Suddenly, his apprehension felt silly.

“That’s right, because it’s impossible. I can’t even explain to you how much you mean to me. Don’t ever forget that.”

Steve managed a smile at that, took his words to heart. He felt a lot better now, and his mood only improved when the brunet got up and stood before him, hands gently caressing his face. “I believe you,” he said. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Tony replied. “I’m sorry I ever gave you reason to doubt. Those people at the ball—they’re nothing. I don’t give two shits about them. You’re all I care about. I should’ve explained the situation better, should’ve made sure you were okay with it. You deserve better than me,” he said, leaning down to press a kiss to the soldier’s forehead. “You deserve the world.”

Steve closed his eyes, relished in his touch. His hands settled on Tony’s back. “I don’t know about that,” he replied, but he felt better than before.

“Don’t argue with me,” Tony ordered, sinking to his knees. “You deserve everything, my affection most of all. Let me show you how much I love you,” he demanded, placing his hands on Steve’s thighs. This submissive position was intentional on Tony’s part. Steve meant the world to him, was always held on a high pedestal in his mind, and it was clearly time to admit that.

“You don’t have to,” the blond replied, feeling his face heat up a little as he gazed down at him. “You’ve convinced me I’ve got nothing to worry about. I shouldn’t have doubted you.” He brushed a hand through the brunet’s dark hair.

Tony shook his head in disagreement. “I want to. It’s not that late yet. Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna fix us a nice, warm bath. I’ll break out the good wine. I’ll tell you how much I love you, list the things about you that blow my mind. I’ll take such good care of you, baby, until you know how much you mean to me, and won’t ever doubt your worth again. And I’m going to cancel my meeting tomorrow, and plan something really special for you.”

He stood up and pushed on the soldier’s shoulders, until Steve got the message and laid back on the bed. Tony straddled his hips, leaned in close, and his partner exhaled softly, captivated by Tony’s words.

“That…sounds really nice,” Steve admitted, resting his hands on Tony’s thighs. He looked up at his partner, heart beating with anticipation at what was to come.

“Honey, you don’t know the half of it,” the brunet muttered, capturing his lips in a deep, passionate kiss. He poured his love into it, tried to express how much he cherished the blond. Steve melted beneath him, closed his eyes and opened his mouth when the scientist licked into it insistently, kissing him long and hard until a groan slipped out.

Tony drew back, exhaled softly. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing the strays out of his eyes. “You lay here. I’ll come get you when the bath is ready,” he said softly, cupping Steve’s face with a hand.

“Alright,” the blond replied. Tony smiled at him as he sat up. It was a bright, wide smile, so dazzling that Steve’s breath almost caught in his throat. He was more or less used to the brunet’s gorgeous smiles, but this one…it hit him hard.

He realized something then. The smile Tony just gave him was for Steve only. It was different than the ones he had given those at the ball, was different than the one he wore in pictures or gave to strangers, or even the smiles he gave the team. It was a smile meant for Steve only, was shown to Steve only.

He felt silly now, thinking he was inadequate, that Tony wanted someone else, when evidence of the opposite was right in front of his eyes. It was clear that Tony loved him, adored him even. Steve couldn’t help but laugh softly at his ridiculous thoughts. He shook his head, smiled up at the brunet.

“That’s my man,” the scientist said softly, satisfied with his reaction. He placed another short kiss to the blond’s lips and climbed off of him, heading to the bathroom.

As Steve waited on the bed, he felt confident that he could share his insecurities with Tony. He understood now that the brunet would be there for him, would validate him and help him through his problems. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, but all of this was still, technically, new territory. There were things he felt, things he knew, that he wasn’t sure he could ever share with another person. But, maybe he could begin to.

Tony loved him, and would for the foreseeable future. He understood Steve, didn’t make fun of his fears, would continue to shed light on his darkness. Tony had his back, just as Steve had his. The blond felt blessed to have him, to have this relationship. He felt so lucky, but now he felt more than that. He felt like he deserved it, because Tony had said so.

He trusted Tony to be there for him, through thick and thin. He knew the brunet would always care about him, even if he was feeling a little insecure. And that? It was a very nice feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! There's not enough insecure Steve out there, and I'm also guilty of falling to the insecure Tony trope, because, hey, relatable. But! I hope you enjoyed this. Leave a comment. 
> 
> Side note: My writing is probably going to slow down for a while. I have a portfolio to work on and study abroad soon.


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